At Chaoyang Park

The sound check is a disaster.

There's no overdrive on Rod's guitar and all you can hear is John's bass and his vocals. So far the other bands testing their sound have been a Cuban all-drum ensemble, a group of moody Russians who spend 45 minutes perfecting their church organ sound, and a 43-piece Swedish brass ensemble that do Abba covers. You have not lived until you've heard a sousaphone pooting out "Mamma Mia."

The sound guy doesn't seem to know how to mix rock bands. John and Rod are unnerved and their harmonies sound like something from the Beijing opera--like off-key yodelers--it's horrible. They run through a quivery version of "Beautiful Again," which Emily has chosen as their four-minute love song. It sounds terrible. I feel really depressed about this but remember that bad sound checks often lead to good sets.

"What do you think?" Emily and Haonan ask me. "It sucks." I say. "It sounds TERRIBLE." One of the festival organizers bustles up. "You are very good. We think you will play first at the opening ceremony tomorrow."

Oh shit. I guess they like the song and the way the band sounds because you can hear John sing the word "beautiful," even though "Beautiful Again" is about the pain of watching the planes hit the World Trade Center and knowing that the whole world has just changed for the worse. Or maybe they want to get them out of the way and put them on first. Or maybe it's a political thing and it just looks really rad and freedom of expressiony to have an American punk band go on in front of--get this--the mayor of Beijing, the governor of Beijing shi, and who knows who else.

Haonan and Emily go and kick butt and the band gets a chance to do another sound check. This time Rod sounds great, the drums are great, and John and Rod are joking while they test the microphones. Yay! As they leave the stage, a hot wind from the Gobi kicks up and blows the banner off the back scaffolding, almost decapitaing one of the five guys who supervise everything on stage. The winds of change have oh can't think of anything Chairman Mao sounding here. Anyway, we're packing up now to go to the opening ceremony!

Wo shi shiao tsong tsoo--I'm a bug...a public toilet at Chaoyang Park inside a giant ladybug  

Rod and music fans 

The descent 

Haonan and John catch their breath 

The Great Wall in the smog 

Building Beijing

Our hotel is on the northeast side of Beijing, not far from the Olympic Village being whipped up for 2008. (This means it is a long way from the center. My early idea about walking from here to the Forbidden City would be like hoofing it from Pasadena to Santa Monica....). Cain, who is an automotive designer who has come along with us to shoot a video, says that 70% of all cranes in the world are here in China (and not whooping cranes either), and I believe it. Construction everywhere, starting this morning at 6, just after the roosters got crowing.

Haonan's taking us to the Great Wall in a few....
Ziajian! [ciao]

And the high-end way 

Low tech building techniques 

Our Minder

We arrived in Beijing at 5 a.m. after leaving LA at 1.30 a.m. It was a 12 hour flight spent mostly in a catatonic daze, especially after the rough take-off from LAX through a rainstorm. (LA is the new Seattle.)

Li Haonan greeted us. Haonan works for the Central Arts Performance agency, which is putting on the Chaoyang Festival. It dawned on me after a few foggy hours that his sole duty was to herd us around--just us, not the Kiwi Band from New Zealand, not the Don Johnson Big Band from Finland (the seven deadly Finns, as we've been calling them), and not the Blous (probably Blues) band from Ottawa. Just us. A huge responsibility because some of us wander off to look at junk food displays or gawk at torn flyers taped to lightposts. Like herding cats.

Haonan has worked at the Kennedy Center and will go on to an internship at the Carnegie. I don't know if he has any idea what the band sounds like or what an Old School punk band who no one knows of even in LA is doing in the thick of this extravaganza. But he's game.

He's game, but....after I figured out how to get connected through the network cable in our hotel room, he told me at lunch that I'd have to pay for my connection time. I hadn't mentioned it. How did he know.....?

Haonan at the airport 

Live from Beijing

We've arrived and this is an experiment to see if I can post. The blog itself appears to be blocked by the PRC but it looks as if I can access the Blogger interface.....

Chinapunx

From the Chinapunx:
"Hey kat,We have a performance on May 4th. But then, we have no sufficient funds topay for your show. If you want show on the May 4th (The Anniversary of theChinapunx). Maybe I can plan it. But, I can't make sure. Tell me youropinion. I will plan it asap.Yang Fan"

Yes! Yes! Yes!

The so-cool Chinapunx website:
http://www.chinapunx.com/

Three Cheers for Emily

This is the gal who is making it happen. Hurrah for Emily for getting the gigs lined up and taking care of the arrangements. Will transformers blow? Will sets be at weird times? Will the Gobi Desert dust blow in and obscure the stage? Sure--but E is a trooper and it will all be great fun. Just you wait.

Emily 

Will Play for Beer!

Two dates have fallen through in the Urinals' Beijing sojourn--we'd love to hear about possible gigs for May 3, 4, or 5. (Or the night of May 2, for that matter.)

This is the current plan for the Urinals' shows at the pop festival:

May 1, 5 p.m., opening ceremony plus 7:30 p.m.
May 2, 9:30 a.m. (a.m.???)
May 5, 7:30 p.m.

So--Puppet Show anyone?
If you have suggestions, please leave a comment or email me at katalleyjones@gmailcom.
A million thanks.....

beijing

It's So Bizarre, It's Off the Map

Is a trip to China a worthwhile career move for the Urinals? Will this trip improve our chances of playing the East Coast of our own country? Will we get a lucrative recording contract that will propel us to the next level of obscurity? Probably not, but as is typical with our haphazard musical career, it'll be an adventure. We don't even expect to sell any merchandise or garner an online sales tsunami either - the typical price for a CD in China runs between $2 and $3, notably below cost for our releases. We're taking this plunge because, as fate and (Emily's) tenacity would have it, we can.

Emily's been working on this venture for about a year and a half. Originally, the plan was to have us attend the festival in May of 2004, but things didn't work out. There were initial doubts of course - someone with no booking experience that we're aware of, from a culture not known for its contributions to contemporary popular culture, arranging for us to be subsidized by what is thought of in the West as a monolithic, humorless, tyrannical bureaucracy. It's beyond comprehension, especially given the content of our material, which has not as yet been reviewed by Beijing (I envision a scenario where, immediately after our first number, the Senior Minister of the People's Culture is hauled off to a labor camp on the Plateau of Leng.) And yet, here we are, with airline tickets in hand, visas in preparation, and arms inoculated. As David Nolte told me, "it's so bizarre, it's off the map."

Things that could work against us:
1) The band was known as 100 FLOWERS at one point;
2) The band name has not been directly translated into Mandarin, but instead into a phonetic equivalent whose meaning is "Distant Promise" (sounds like a Yanni record, right?);
3) When it's not about the carnal, our lyrics tend to be critical of culture and politics (primarily our own, but still...);
4) We're decidedly middle-aged, a condition which hair dye will not disguise (I was recently asked to do this, btw, to improve our appeal to the soon-to-be-conquered Asian Market.) Nor should it - pop music comes in a variety of flavors, and our approach is no-less valid than the next wave of youthcult superstars;
5) We'll be using unfamiliar equipment - will it work? Will we get a soundcheck?

Things that could work for us:
1) When we're on, we're on;
2) We have faith in the material which, in the context of this festival, will most certainly stand out as unique.

Regardless, we're happy to be the sole American band on the bill. We get to represent our country in the best way we know how -- let the International incidents begin.

- John

MP3s Posted

MP3s of a couple of songs posted here http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/urinalsmusic.htm
It isn't pretty, but it's free.

'97 Kilowatt poster by Coop 

Four-Minute Love Song

The Powers that Be have requested that bands playing the Chaoyang Pop Festival open with a four-minute love song. Mid or slow-tempo. Hmmm. I guess the Urinals have a love song or two in their repertoire ("Sex"? "All Sexed Up"?) But anyone who knows the band's ouevre knows they'd have to play songs three or four times to come up with four minutes. And mid-tempo? That would be *compared to what* I guess.

Still, I'm sure they'd play "Love Me Tender" to go along Heh. Or would they?

This gentleman will surely be able to sing you a four-minute love song. 

Official Festival Website

Here it is:
http://www.popchaoyang.com/

Here are some of the other bands on the bill. You'll see we have many hours of entertainment pleasure awaiting us in The Jing--which I, Madame B, will only be too happy to report to you.

If you sit through the interminable scrolling gif, you'll see our boys, circa 1978 at Blackies. A great show, it was, closed down by the LAPD.

The Five-Spice Girls 

Casualties of Christo's last project. 

The Bavarian version of Polyphonic Spree 

BJ Thug Life aka Fitty Yuan 

Chinese Necro Rock--stylings from dead pop stars 

OGs from The Jing 

Come See the Band

Come let's join us!  Help us prep for our first International performances
EVER by joining us for 2 sets/30 songs at our favorite local watering hole -
THE BUCCANEER - just minutes from Old Town Pasadena. Thrill to our
all-Mandarin rendition of I'M A BUG as you send us off to Beijing's
International POP MUSIC WEEK in Chaoyang Park!  This will be our FINAL U.S.
SHOW before flying to China for 5 performances in early May.

Sunday, April 24
THE BUCCANEER, Sierra Madre
70 West Sierra Madre Blvd, Sierra Madre, CA
626.355.9045
2 Urinals sets: 9:30 & 11:00
in preparation for our upcoming appearances in Beijing and Changsha.
FREE / 21 and over

Call Me B, Madame B

There's nothing that will make you feel like chattel more than having your name replaced by a letter--not even an initial!--on a manifest. A manifest of what? Dunno. It's an Official Document of some kind.

But I do like the ring of having a letter for a name. There's something comforting and Mamie Eisenhower and maybe a little 1984 about being called B. It's a pleasant antidote to my surly visa photo. So no more Kat. I answer only to B

Madame B 

Mug shots 

It's Really Happening!

We're now at the visa stage--and looking forward to leaving at zero dark early a week from today.

We are especially looking forward to an exciting May Day celebration!

Beijing urinal 

China Lifts Lid on Filthy Toilets

SHANGHAI, China (Reuters) -- China is coming clean about its filthy toilets, first hosting a world toilet summit and now about to hold its first ever toilet exhibition which will lift the lid on new technology.
The World Toilet Expo will run from May 8 to 10 in Shanghai, China's most fashionable city, with some experts going potty about a dial-a-loo phone line people can call to find the nearest public toilet, the Shanghai Daily said on Wednesday.

http://edition.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/asiapcf/04/14/china.toilets.reut/index.html

The fifth and sixth characters transliterate as "Urinals." We take this on faith. 

Find the Urinals on this bill! 

Why this Blog? Why Aquanauts?

This blog chronicles the journey of LA punk rock band the Urinals to the Shaoyang (Chaoyang /Chayoyang) Park Pop Music Festival in Beijing in May 2005.

Why Aquanauts? Let me explain. A Chinese tourist website describes the delights of Chayoyang Park, including "the longest Yakeli transparent undersea tunnel of Asia (120 meters in length), through which tourists enjoy fabulous sea-world from all directions just like aquanauts!" Need a literal explanation for a charming metaphor? Think of traveling in other cultures. Think of exploring distant realms. Think of boldly going...get the picture?

Plus, coupled with the band's name, Aquanauts evokes a yucky image of swimming through Andres Serrano's Piss Christ. Here's a link that includes a photograph and a loving recollection of the culture wars of the late 1980s. http://www.ncac.org/timeline/1989.htm Ah, things seemed so simple then.

Urinals as Aquanauts! 

Props

To Deckerdogg, btw, for the photo treatments.

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